There comes a time in a man’s life when he just needs to stop cobbling the same old kicks and put up the scratch for some new ones. That time for Hammie was during a perfectly good indoor grazing session!
“Here I am minding my own business and out of nowhere I am hoisted in the air like some alien was abducting me. Could it be these wonderful people who have been taking such good care of me up until now!? It is! Those so-and-so’s have me on my back! A supine porcine!!! Well, I’m not going down quietly…
…This is my mistake. I am mouth agape and before I know it they are flossing my tusks. Nice of them, but it doesn’t feel like my customary flossing. Wait a minute! I don’t know what flossing is! Rather, it is a funny sensation. These brutes are cutting off my tusks!
Great, now how will I gore them for their transgression? Nevermind that. They’re eyeballing my feet. Are they going to cut off my feet too!? Oh, good, the floss is away. I feel much bett–AHHHH the scissor-cutty thingers! Those look terrifying! What was that noise?…There it is again! Funny, I hear all this clunking and snapping, but I don’t feel anything.
The Red one is wiping this goop on my feet and legs. Thanks, Toots, but I don’t care for the grease. What is she mumbling? …I most certainly will NOT like it, Lady!
Oooooh, that’s nice. “Get a grip Hammie!” I have to remind myself that these barbarians are rendering me defenseless without my weapons of mass……mmmmmmm…more grease please!
Oh, no! I have succumbed to the desires of these treacherous foes. It almost feels…nice. Wait! You’re done? No, don’t roll me ov—. Man, I could get used to these abductions! Do I smell blueberries?”